today I just did not feel like a running Nut! Well, let me re-phase my brain could not wrap itself around the idea that my body wanted to go five miles but my brain did not!!
I had the most negative thoughts and feelings creep into my head around 2.5 mile, that my feet just stopped! I decided to walk and shake it off and try again, it was beautiful outside there were so many people out and about and I just needed to have an awesome run. I have really been out of it today! I will break it down for you and try to be light along the way ..I don't want to be debbie downer any more today!
pre-run: hubby pops in the door, I am ready to go just guzzled a bottle of water, because I was behind on my water count today! He says "don't you have an hour worth of running to get started on?" (as a side note he was in no way being demeaning saying this) In my head that first negative thought creeped in.....it is going to take an hour to run five miles...blah
mile 1- 12.07 wow I am running really slow but that is ok I want negative splits lets pick it up a little...
hey I need to pee, but I can probably hold it
Mile 1.5 cute little runner chick blooowwss by me...and I mean flies..and this is where the thoughts started tumbling, why do I do this? I feel fat, I am sure I look fat, I want to be faster, since when did I think I could just head out and run 5 miles? I can feel my booty jiggling and I am not a fan today, the music on my Ipod sucks, how much further do I have to go? I feel like crap, I can't do this,! and oh my god I have to pee so bad it hurts!
I am pretty sure you could have put 5 million dollars in front of me and I would have found something wrong with it! How did my brain get in the pit? Now I was mad at myself and being debbie downer and walking! I turned at the 2.8 mark knowing it was 1.2 home and I just needed to stop. and freaking pee
Mile 3: Cute little teeny boppers sitting on the street..giggle and chatting, I jog by and hear them giggle louder, so in my head I wrote them this letter: (even though they might have very well just have been giggling)
Dear little skinny girls,
Don't laugh at me, I know I look ridiculous in my spandex and my "run like a mother" headband that I happen to think is awesome, but to you I am the most uncool chick on the planet (well maybe that is your Mom , but I am a close second) I realize my butt is big and my thighs are thunderous, but you just keep laughing, I was where you were once. Yup that's right I used to wear those size double zero jeans and I could eat whatever I wanted. But,things have changed and those days are behind me, o.k little ladies my body is like a gently used car, that has a bunch of really great miles on it and has had many fun road trips, including two babies....so enjoy your double zeros and your Doritos and coke, I too realize my booty is jiggling but I have earned that jiggly butt soooooo BITE ME! oohh and p.s. when you are me in 15 years or so I will cheer you on not laugh at you!
the hunky chunky chick running right by you
(see I was even making up things, that may or may not have been thoughts in other peoples brains!)
I took off again at that point and continued I felt a little better, and was trying to remind myself that not every day is going to be rainbows and butterflies but at least I was out here.
About,this time I noticed a white Nissan slowing down and getting closer to the curb, I look over glancing and see a car full of "creepers" I actually wondered if I had something on my face, they were staring that hard so... I ran faster, they sped up and went by, not even two minutes later they were in the oncoming direction once again slowing down and staring, I was beginning to wonder if I had done something to offend them because they were seriously creeping me out! This continued 5 more times...I was freaking booking it now, I actually caught up to another jogger who I see frequently and asked her if she would run me home because these dudes were seriously making me feel like they were going to steal me~
Mile 4...sweet I finished at least four miles, I am mad and still somewhat sad that I could not work through my brain to crank out five, and I am angry at myself for beating my own self up but at the end of the day I still ran and I am looking forward to better runs....
I have another race this weekend and have some goals to accomplish....so I have to get my head in the game!
I am also looking for a light weight spring jacket...any good suggestions anyone? Hope everyone has a great hump day!!
and...through all things, try to remind your self, you are strong, beautiful and totally worth everything you do..